5 Tips for Staying Calm During a Pregnancy Scare

How to Handle a Pregnancy Scare

Sometimes in a relationship, you're not sure how to phrase a delicate subject or tricky topic. Sure, saying nothing at all is easy, but avoiding the subject doesn't do anyone any good. Awkward Conversations, a regular AskMen franchise, provides you with a template for what to say — and what not to say — and why, so you can have those difficult discussions without them turning into full-blown fights.

“I think I might be pregnant.”

Boom. There it is, the devastating gut punch. If you’re not trying to have a baby, hearing this sentence could rock your world. It’s hard to know how to react other than in sheer panic, but this is a crucial moment for both you and your partner. Despite feeling overwhelmed or anxious, you need to stay level-headed, keeping your cool without doing or saying something that will sabotage your relationship.

Read on for our handy guide on navigating an unexpected pregnancy, and the undoubtedly difficult conversations that can come from it.

1. Don’t Run From It

If you want to run away, ghost, or pack up and move to a small country in Europe, resist that urge. Take a deep breath, and let the information wash calmly over you until you have more clarity on how to deal with it.

Don’t freak out or avoid her calls to avoid dealing with the problem. Remember, this won’t go away if you pretend it doesn’t exist. Right now, your partner needs you to be calm, strong and capable. Let’s face it — she’s probably freaking out even more than you are. Sit with your thoughts for a moment until you are able to say something useful and supportive.

2. Don’t Get Accusatory

You: What do you mean, you’re pregnant? Did you forget to take your birth control? How could you forget? How could you let this happen?

It’s very easy to blame your partner for a pregnancy scare out of fear. You might adopt an accusatory tone, or judge her for not being careful. If you didn’t already guess, that isn’t entirely unhelpful to the situation. Chances are she’s probably already beating herself up about the thought of a potential life shift.

Don’t let yourself fall into that anger-filled trap. Instead, use words that are nonjudgmental and soothing. Ask her how she’s feeling. Give her the space to express her anxieties without pressing her angrily on the details. Let the details come forth naturally.

You: Really? Baby, are you okay? Don’t stress. Let’s handle this one step at a time. First of all, why do you think you’re pregnant?

This is a much better way to elicit information without putting her on the defensive.

3. Be Pragmatic

It may feel like you two are the only people in the world dealing with something like this, but know you’re not alone. With this in mind, be practical. It’s often the most comforting thought process you can have. Suggest sensible actions that the two of you can take — this will go a long way to assuaging her anxiety (and yours!)

You: Well, your period is only late by two days. I feel like it’s too early to jump to any conclusions. What do you think? Personally, I suggest this: Let me go buy a pregnancy test kit and meet you at your place after work. Then we can start thinking about next steps.

Show her that you’re a responsible adult who is equal to the worry of a pregnancy scare. If you break down the problem into small, bite-size chunks, you’ll be able to minimize the stress on your relationship.

4. Don’t Pressure Her Towards Getting an Abortion

You: Well … if you’re really pregnant, what would you do about it?
Her: I don’t know, I’m freaking out right now.
You: You’d get an abortion, right?
Her: I don’t know. I don’t know what I want yet.
You: What do you mean, you don’t know? I’m not ready to become a dad!

Unfortunately, this conversation is an all-too common one in a pregnancy scare. Resist the temptation to push for an answer — and definitely don’t bring up the abortion option before the pregnancy is even confirmed. It’s too early, it’s pushy, and it will freak her out even more.

Don’t let the conversation go this far south. Instead of framing it as her problem, explain that you’re ready to shoulder the pregnancy with her:

You: I’m sorry you’re upset. I can imagine how stressful it must be, but I’m here for you. Let’s talk through this.

5. Don’t React Selfishly — Think of the Future

Pregnancy scares can be just that — quick, sudden, and scary. They don’t necessarily indicate an actual problem. However, your reaction to a pregnancy scare certainly has the potential to cause real problems.

A pregnancy scare isn’t an isolated incident — you don’t get to move on as if nothing has happened. If you’ve been callous, or brought up something hurtful, that will take a toll on the relationship as a whole. Think of a pregnancy scare as a kind of intense relationship test: In the midst of it all, she gets a chance to assess how you’d react to a crisis in the future. If you do or say something hurtful, you can’t just move on from the scare as if nothing has happened.

Once the panic abates, make sure to react kindly and with consideration:

You: Baby, I hope you’re feeling a little better now. I’m sorry this happened. Listen, just let me know if I said or did anything that you didn’t like in the heat of the moment. I want to apologize if I hurt you in any way.

People can react badly when they’re under duress. What’s important is that you move on from this with grace and generosity. Be ready to apologize if you come across as a jerk, and understand that she might be feeling sensitive right now.

If you handle it maturely, you should be able to tackle the pregnancy scare as smoothly as possible, and continue your relationship without any problems. Be a man about it.

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