I'm Rooting for Tiger Woods Because I'm a Sucker
The Masters begins today and, unlike last year, Tiger Woods is NOT the betting favorite to take home the green jacket (it would be his fifth). That honor goes to Irishman Rory McIlroy, who still needs a win at Augusta to finish off a career grand slam. No matter. Even with McIlroy as the betting favorite, Woods, who himself has won a career grand slam three times over, will still be the sentimental favorite of pushy golf bros who have been not-so-patiently waiting for Woods to come back to life and re-commence his assault on Jack Nicklaus’ all-time record for major victories, which still stands at a mythical 18. Those bros will be aided in their cause by CBS cameras; by an inevitably fawning Jim Nantz, a man who wishes to be buried alive at Amen Corner one day; and by a golf culture that has already staged a campaign to rebrand a NEW Tiger Woods. This one smiles and jokes around!
It occasionally gives off faint displays of self-deprecation!
Jamie Kennedy likes its tire ads now!
Oh, and Ian O’Connor of ESPN did the NFL preseason hype thing and declared this Tiger heathier than it’s ever been!
Exhausted after playing far more meaningful golf than he ever imagined, Woods spent his offseason in the gym to get stronger, tougher and more durable, to limit the kind of injuries that kept him from Bay Hill (neck strain) as much as possible.
It’s been over a decade since Tiger Woods last won a major championship in golf. He’s been stuck on 14 in the meantime, his career sidetracked by gross stories of his infidelity being made public, by crippling back injuries, by a rising field of young PGA talent, and by a painkiller addiction that culminated in a terrifying DUI arrest just two years ago. Woods is thankfully healthier now, and more competitive.
But his comeback is demonstrative of the ways in which fanboys and the media alike endeavor to construct a redemption story where none may be merited, nor even required. Tiger Woods is still Tiger Woods, after all. He’s worth $800 million and is also, for my money, the greatest golfer of all time. He’ll be fine. That he can still commandeer the imagination of the greater sporting public for every major weekend is a testament to both the curative PR properties of winning (or just potentially winning), and the astonishing presence that Woods lends to a sport that still yearns for it. Tiger could still be a complete clod, far as you know. He golfs with fucking Trump, man. Assuming you know what kind of man Woods is now is as foolish as assuming it back before his car wreck scandal in 2010. He’s only "new" now because he kinda looks new, and because everyone is like HE’S NEW! It could all be a cheap façade.
And yet. And yet, I’ll definitely be rooting for the fucker when he tees off today. This is because I’m as enchanted by these potentially faulty narratives as anyone else. After all, I ascribe character and personality to athletes and coaches I don’t really know all the time. I think of Tom Brady as the Antichrist when he’s probably a nice enough weirdo. I think of Antonio Brown as a flamboyant savant when he can clearly be a selfish prick. Being a sports fan means building up a backstory of the game in your mind and then adhering to it because it adds extra emotional stakes to everything you watch unfold out on the field. There’s a reason that the Olympic coverage on NBC consists of 80 percent soft focus profiles. They work, even if you view them through a cynical lens. Same thing with a feel-good Tiger Woods story that may be fudged jusssst a tad.
